I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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