Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
