It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
