I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
