I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
