i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
