2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
