What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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