Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
