so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
