Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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