I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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