Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
