Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
