yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
