So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
