I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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