Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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