YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
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