sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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