I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
