im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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