Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
