The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize