I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
