umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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