someone threw a dead crab at me
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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