just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
