I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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