Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
