ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
