It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
