No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Let's get the cat blown out
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Randomize
