Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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