I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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