capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i may or may not be watching the land before time
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Pants are for mortals
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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