the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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