I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
