if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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