My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
