Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
