we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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