Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i think i have herpe
just one?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
