I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
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