iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
