it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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