you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
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He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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