Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize