waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
not ubering you a puppy
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
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