Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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