he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
