grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
