I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
