Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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