Apparently you make a good broom.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize