Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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