Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
