and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
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she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
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Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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