I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
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I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
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When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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