you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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