ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
