two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
