I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You can't just leave with hair like that
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
